Male Human Seeks Appropriate Female Human Seeking Me for Mutual Gratification and Practical Functionality

Hi! I'm a creative and healthy and kind and university-educated male of above-average stature and slightly below-average self-confidence, fully capable of wilful bombast but generally preferring pleasant and moderate behaviour when not actively entertaining. I am 46 Earth years old, in good shape overall, single, never-married, no children (yet?), have grown up very well past pretending pets are people, kinda professional, and tidy apart from my work area. I am nice, often significantly beyond the threshold of other people's assholery -- speaking of which, since adolescence and up to the present, whenever I like (or "love") a girl-woman, she inevitably treats me very poorly whilst swooning over some shithead who generally abuses her then leaves: a pattern! Whereas, me: I am of course as imperfect as anyone, but dream most sincerely of finding lasting happiness in a kind, faithful, and mutually-supportive relationship. If you are a creative and healthy and kind woman between the ages of ~25 and ~40 (Earth years, please), and seek the same general arrangement, read on . . .

While it is impossible to sum up either myself or my desired partner in a few lines (or, I hope, even in thousands of lines), the factors listed below -- both positives and negatives (I consider humans flexible and infinite; but we need some definitions or we'd be mud) -- should provide a reasonably fair portrait of what interested parties can expect of me; and of what (and whom) I seek.

I've tried "singles sites," but frankly they are abysmal. Thus this.

Dislikes and Likes round out the presentation, after which you may proposition me, or invite me to proposition you, at gregoireswan@gmail.com .

I have been completely single for eight years, and seek to end this run before I'm eligible for the papacy.

Good luck!

~YOU~

YES:

CREATIVITY

Be creative in fun and sophisticated ways of your own choosing.

EDUCATION

Be of at least a Bachelor's level or equivalent, and ever-learning.

FRIENDSHIP

Be my true friend, and count in your life other excellent friends.

BODY

Be reasonably height-weight proportionate, and brunette (personal preference, though gingers may also apply).

SEX

Be female and born female and consistently female since being born female, with no plans to become anything other than female, and prove it to me with reasonable frequency (see also: Creativity).

BUSH

Please have one. They look nice.

THE ARTS

Enjoying and sharing relatively intelligent and inspiring (more than merely provocative and/or passionate) music, literature, cinéma, theatre, and other arts is a must.

FAMILY & COMMUNITY

Feel the energy and happiness of our union resonating through immediate family, expanded community, and the world -- and let it resonate back to us!

NO:

ASSHOLERY

If for any reason you get off on being an asshole, you're not for me, goodbye.

RELIGION (See also: Assholery)

Religion causes wars, killing millions and killing relationships. Be intelligent, not superstitious, and relegate religion exclusively to the Mythology shelf.

HORRID FAMILY

If your family suck, don't foist them on me.

DADDY ISSUES

Apart from in the boudoir (if that pleases), you must have your issues with your father settled before approaching me. (Especially if you need someone to hurt you the way he did, I'm not the guy.)

ADDICTIONS

We all make mistakes, but if you're so weak that you can't pass up drugs, alcohol, smoking, sex-addiction, cults, eating disorders, or even excessive shopping or being a "travel junkie," then you're not strong enough for me. (Travel is great, incidentally -- but not as denial or mere escapism.)

MEDIA

Please don't be into shit. And switch off the TV if no one is actively watching it. Noise.

PET MARRIAGE

If you're married to your cat, dog, iguana or whatever, you're not mature enough to be with me (a human). Most people like creature comforts, but please be a grownup.

ANIMAL EXPLOITATION

I've been very happily vegetarian for 24 years (as of 2015), most of that time vegan (which I comfortably prefer). If you are still stuck and addicted to abusing, exploiting, devouring, or even wearing animals, then a close relationship won't be possible between us.

KIDS

Bless you and yours (if any) -- but I'd like to start fresh, my first time.

~ME~

YES:

Same as the YES qualities I seek above.

Bonus: Good listener.

Bonus-bonus: I'm fun.

NO:

I'm not wealthy.

(In fact I dread becoming wealthy until after I'm in a true, loving relationship.)

My family are selfish, willfully-ignorant jerks. They'll tell you otherwise, but they've hurt me a lot. Even my mutually-loathing "parents" waited decades to get their hideous divorce, total sadness. I sure won't foist them on you.

My worldly achievements are, thus far, modest at best.

I have no plans to buy a motorcycle.

My sexual appetite is huge and lascivious (could be a YES, if you're the right person) -- however:

I'll quickly lose interest if you're not interesting.

I like sleeping and eating and bathing whenever the fuck I feel like it.

Prompt forgiveness (especially for intentional malevolence) is not my strong suit.

And the "darkest" (though I like darkness!) factor I can conjure (with anything approaching objectivity) is: I never suffer fucktards gladly (not even when it could provide longer-term benefits).

~

Okay, there's the gist!

DISLIKES:

Noise, bullshit, fighting, yelling, smoking, drinking, drugs, pointlessly expensive things, the '90s, anyone named "Justin," people who never shut up and/or don't know how to listen, people who refuse to get the joke, hot sun, watching sports (particularly televised sports), country music, leafblowers, roots rock, asshole metal/grunge, asshole rap, cop shows, hospital shows, crime shows, talk shows, crime movies, people shooting and/or hitting each other in any context, women who bray like donkeys (laugh your ass off, but don't "sing" like that!), Stevie Nicks (thus), 24/7 gay blather (occasionally, fine; constantly, no), animal exploitation, weapons, religion, war, politics, meat stink.

LIKES:

Music, Monkees, Monty Python, Muppets (concluding with Muppets from Space; with strongest affection for the "Jim years" up to 1990), conversation, civil discourse, tennis, cycling, the '80s, Kate Bush, Paul Williams, Prince, Debussy, Vaughn Williams, Earth, Wind & Fire, Motown, Stevie Wonder, Cibo Matto, Talking Heads, Tom Tom Club, The Pogues, Star Trek (1966-2005), Star Wars (1977-1983; 2002), Christopher Lee, Hammer horror films, Asian culture (and food), rain, spring, fall, winter, fun science-fiction (not so much the "hard" stuff), fantasy (as a general genre), "doing it" creatively and mutually faithfully and frequently, true and lasting friendship, languages and linguistics, fairness, kindness, discipline in the good way (only), pretty boobies, world peace.

Sincerely,

~ GregoireSwan@gmail.com